Adrian was the best one.  I was seeing Adrian for almost a year starting in January 2004 until late November that year.  While we were together, i think he knew full well what i was doing in the bathroom after we had eaten, and i think he knew why i always avoided eating using excuses like “i’m not hungry” or “i’m not feeling to well i think i’ll skip dinner”.  And he helped me so much when he said “You know you’re looking really discustingly skinny, i really don’t like it”.  Before he had said this i had never thought that there was such a thing as too thin, but i honestly think that this had saved me.  After he said this i started eating more and more and within 6 months or so i was a healthy weight, and felt so much better.  After this i stayed quite healthy, except for a short phase after Adrian dumped me, when we broke up i think i lost about a stone, but i was young and naive and had just lost my first love! ha ha ha.

but today that girl made me really think about my weight and made me feel 14 again, like when my brother used to call me fat all the time and make me feel about an inch tall.  I felt like she was looking down her nose at me, saying that i was discustingly fat, and it has made me so paranoid about my appearance.  I feel quite sorry for this girl if this is how she thinks.  I blame the media, i know everyone blames the media for girls obsessing about their appearances, but it is their fault.  Young boys are looking in magazines like Nuts and Zoo at pictures of girls who are air brushed, and look amazingly glamerous, and then they pick on young girls who don’t look like that.  All the magazines that are designed for young girls are full of pictures of Linsey Lohan and Mary-Kate Olsen looking rediculously thin and these magazines praise them for looking “great”, and then there’ll be a picture of an average sized woman like Jade Goody with a title like “Who ate all the Pies”.  It’s rediculous, and it’s damaging young girls so much.  My cousin is 6 years old and is convinced he is fat from reading his mothers magazines.  i mean, seriously, he’s 6!  he wont eat chips, or take away food, which is good for his health i guess, but children shouldn’t worry about looking fat, i know when i was 6 all i wanted was chocolate and McDonalds, my mum didn’t let me have it but i don’t remember ever thinking “i dont want a happy meal, i’ll get fat”.  It’s obsured that children so young are worried about these things.

 The girl who said that to me has made me unbelievable paranoid about my weight though, and now that i’m nineteen (nearly twenty) i don’t want to be seen as fat, and i feel quite disgusted about my appearance.  I’m currently a size 12, i know thats not thin, but i dont think it’s fat either, i’m a dance student, and i am quite muscular, especially in my legs, i am also quite fit.  but after that girls comment all i see when walking down the street are women who are thinner than me.  All i keep saying to myself is “i wish i looked like that”.  Which is insane because it took me years to feel comfortable in my own skin after all the trouble i had when i was young, and all of a sudden i feel like everyone is looking at me thinking “She’s fat”. 

I feel like i need to do something about it, after i came home i couldn’t stomach anything for dinner, i was too disgusted with myself to eat anything.  I will definately start paying more attention to what i eat, and i will keep you readers informed about my experiences with other girls’ opinions about weight and eating healthily, and so on. 

God, that girl has ruined my life!